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14 signs of emotional abuse

Emotional violence can penetrate into your relationships and gradually undermine your self-confidence.

Thus the offender can convince you that all this is your fault!

1. Innocently "joke" Over your partner likes to tell "amusing" stories with your participation, saying how hopeless you are in this or that situation: driving, financial management, self-organization, etc. And if you object or take offense at the same time, you are accused of having no sense of humor.

2. You are constantly feeling guilty You constantly feel guilty or slightly ashamed, without knowing why yourself. You become overly vigilant, watching your behavior to prevent your partner from criticizing you. You are haunted by the feeling of "walking on the eggshell". Every time you can not predict what you will ruin or cause irritation the next time. The irony is that the abuser can make you feel guilty for his own bad behavior - he got drunk, because you "upset him" or "out of your temper", or you were simply "jealous".

3. You just need his "protection" When you leave home not in the company of your partner, you will definitely be subject to a number of conditions: curfew or the need to pick you up, meet. You will be asked to take a picture of the company you are spending time with. They tell you that they just care about you, but in fact, they test you and keep you on a leash, which will be shorter and shorter each time.

4. They make great gestures

When an insulted partner knows that he has crossed the line, and you are wondering about the need for this relationship, get ready for a grand gesture - expensive food, an unexpected weekend, an unexpected gift or a bouquet of flowers. A big gesture buys your silence, and your part of the deal is not to insist on an unpleasant conversation.

5. You are being manipulated Gradually, you have a feeling that "the puzzle does not stack" - your partner contradicts what he told you earlier, or you suspect that you do not see the whole picture (previous relationship or last work). He can also deny what he does or says something that you clearly remember, but he denies it with such conviction and confidence that you begin to doubt yourself. This insidious form of manipulation is called a "searchlight," and it is designed to make you doubt your mental health.

6. Cold shower You come home with excitement, because you have a great opportunity for business, or you were asked to take part in the project that you were dreaming of. But your partner immediately immerses you in cold water, telling you everything that can go wrong, or that this is a bad idea, or he calls a completely unrelated argument to destroy your hopes. In the future, you will gradually stop sharing your ideas and success with it, because you know that you will not get a positive response.

7. Advance Compliment When you first met, you felt the attention your partner gave you and praised the way you look. But over time, compliments have become few and they have been replaced with comments on how "wrong" you are dressed, that this clothing does not suit you, that you gain weight and that something is wrong with your hair. If you object, you are again accused of being "hypersensitive."

8. They do not have empathy. If you talk about problems at work, your partner qualifies your complaints, like the fact that you "react too much." You are given a short time to talk about serious problems because then you are expected to "overcome it" and again be able to concentrate your energy and attention on your partner and his needs. Some emotional offenders disappear when they are most needed, or become overly critical.

9. You are to blame for everything If you, even six months ago, did not tell him what he thought he should have known, or at some point, you put your needs above him, you will be reminded about it regularly and in all conflicts. They can even add stories that occurred before your acquaintance, encouraging you to be "honest" in your past, for example, just to later use this information as evidence of your failure.

10. Tightening Belts Controlling you financially is the classic tactic of an overwhelming partner. He may have started by giving you advice that really helps, helping you sort out debts or be more financially responsible. Soon your partner increases the pressure that you need to "be careful" with the money. But for some reason, it seems that you always have to save, earn more and stop spending. Your partner will not advise you on spending money. But if you buy something that you want, especially if it involves a threat to him, for example, training for your career or a weekend with friends, there will be a reason why you can not afford it.

11. Others are also bad When you met, your partner had plausible explanations for his enmity and bad relationships with friends and family members. But now your friends and family are "offensive", "attacking" or "trying to bypass" your partner, and you are under pressure to take his side.

12. People notice that you have changed. People who care about you say that you have become quiet and unduly calm, or simply "not yourself." They wonder why you rarely go out or why you changed your style. And it's hard for you to give them an explanation.

13. You look forward to the evening alone. You notice that one day your mood gets better, and you pay attention that this is the same evening when your partner leaves home. Or he tells you that they need to go on a business trip in a couple of weeks, and you're looking forward to it. When your partner is not there, you feel that the mountain is falling off your shoulders.

14. They deceive you. Your partner can emotionally answer you for several days, without looking at the eyes, not talking and refusing to explain why (at the same time, letting you know that whatever it is is your fault). They may even disappear for several days. When they return, they will tell you that they just need "some space." But you may never know what is really going on.

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