7 main mistakes in the upbringing of children
1. We do not allow children to take risks
We live in a world in which dangers surround us at every turn. Realizing this, we are doing everything to protect our children. But psychologists from Europe are sure: if a child does not play on the street, if he has never had to fall and peel his knee, then in adulthood, he often suffers all sorts of phobias and complexes. Children need to fall several times to understand that there is nothing wrong with this. A teenager needs to quarrel and endure the bitterness of losing the first love to become emotionally mature - without this, long-term relationships are impossible. If parents exclude all risks from the life of children, there is a high probability that the child will become arrogant, arrogant and will have low self-esteem in the future.
2. We rush to help too quickly
The modern generation of young people did not develop certain skills that were inherent in every child 30 years ago. We seek to "help" the child in everything and surround him with excessive care, so we deprive him of the need to solve problems himself and to seek a way out of difficult situations. Sooner or later the child gets used to the fact that someone "will come to the rescue." In the real world, this will not happen, so the child will not be fit for adulthood.
3. We admire them too easily
The question of increasing the self-esteem of children at school was asked in the 1980s. In most competitions, the rule "everyone is a winner", "a medal for each participant" began to operate. This approach allows the child to feel special, but studies show that this method has unforeseen consequences. Over time, the child begins to notice that mom and dad are the only ones who think that he is wonderful, while no one else even mentions it. Children begin to doubt the point of view of their parents. They are, of course, pleased that they are praised, but they understand that there is no merit in it. And if we admire them too easily, children begin to cheat, exaggerate and deceive in order to avoid difficult situations. And when they grow up, they are not able to resist them or cope with them.
4. We let the guilt feel in the way of success.
Your child should not love you every minute. The child will be able to recover from disappointment, but he is unlikely to recover from spoiling. Do not be afraid to tell the children "no" and "not now" and let them fight for what they really appreciate and value. Often we give children what they ask for as encouragement. And if there are several children in the family, then we consider it unfair to deprive others. Thus, for the merits of one child all are encouraged - so the children get used to undeserved rewards. In life this will not happen. And if the relations in the family are built only on material rewards, the children will not experience either inner motivation or love.
5. We do not share our own mistakes from the past
There will come a day, and a healthy teenager will want to spread his wings and gain his own experience. As adults, we must allow them to do this, but that does not mean that we can not help them to understand a little bit of everyday realities. Share with them the mistakes you made at their age, but do not abuse morals - this lesson will immediately be rejected by a teenager. Children should be prepared to face reality and must learn to be responsible for the consequences of their decisions. Share what you experienced in similar situations, how they decided and what they learned from them.
6. We mistakenly believe that intellect or giftedness is a maturity
Intellect is often perceived as a level of maturity of the child, as a result of which parents believe that an intelligent child is ready to meet with the real world. But this, unfortunately, is not so. Just because a child is gifted in one sphere, one should not assume that he can easily cope with all. There is no magical "age of responsibility" or precise guidance about when a child needs to provide a certain level of freedom. But there is a proven rule - watch other children of the same age. And if you notice that they are already more free in their choice and more independent, you probably are holding back the level of independence of your child.
7. We do not do what we teach our children.
The responsibility of each parent is to help create a model of life for the child. A life in which he will play a major role and will take responsibility for his words and actions. Looking truth in the eye, for a start you need to be that way. Because the child will learn not by your words, but by your actions. The English proverb says: "Do not raise children, they will still be like you. Educate yourself. "